The Foundations of a Strong Mutual Sharing Relationship
I wanted to create a list of what I believe are the fundamentals of creating a lasting reciprocal sharing relationship and of setting up group encounters that are enjoyable for all involved.
1st - Be honest with yourself.
This is number 1 because you must intensely self evaluate what you want out of your partner(s) and what you aren't comfortable with doing. I recommend for newbies trying to also understand why you like and dislike certain things to give your partner(s) a frame of reference to better understand (i.e. I love eye contact from you honey because it makes me feel involved).
2nd - Don't Take One For the Team
Don't agree to do something you don't want to do. Flexibility and compromise are part of good two-way relationships, but if something feels forced or ...... go with your gut instinct by not doing it. Example: Your female partner "intensely" wants to meet with your steady 3rd threesome guy alone instead of your usual threesome scenario. She really wants to do this and minimizes your emotions of insecurity in the process. If you are feeling insecure about something then go with your gut by saying no, don't be pressured into it. You could also use this as an opportunity for a teaching moment to talk about respecting your partners feelings as well, with a timeout from sharing probably thrown in for effect.
3rd - Both Should Work to Become Self-Aware
Fuzzy phrase, but self-aware means knowing yourself, both strengths and weaknesses, with as little bias as is possible clouding that self-analysis. I have found that asking others the question and then shutting up to listen to their answer is the most productive while also being an extremely painful process. It is hard listening to others describe your fuckups and bad habits. Still you will come out of the exercise stronger and more capable to control your "emotions" which when less restrained transform into "emotional thinking". This type of thinking isn't thinking at all, but rather chaotic ebbs and flows of feelings that lead to poor decision making and interactions with others. Knowing yourself defines your limitations and blindspots, so you can lift the emotional fog, that suppresses logical thinking, so you can manage your life more effectively, which includes your sharing relationship. As a continuation example, "Emotional Thinking' might get you to agree to your partner going solo as in the previous example above, so as not to appear weak and insecure, where Self-Aware thinking wouldn't attach insecurity with weakness or strength in this case, but rather just as a current state of being, an existing boundary, that needs to be respected. Maybe the insecurity is justified and your partner needs to do more relationship work to build trust. How well your logical side is developed determines how well those emotions are controlled (not suppressed) for better decisions and communications.
